Still learning over here.
This morning’s installment in the learn to love being a mom project:
I guess I am just a tramp in a bike helmet.
Do give me a moment to explain.
Yesterday I couldn’t force myself out on my run. I had a list of things to be done and couldn’t shake them. Still aware of how much happier I am when I get some exercise (which is easiest to do while Caroline is at pre-school) I jumped on my bike. I had gone an hour earlier in the car to try and pick up a gift certificate for teacher appreciation day and the establishment wasn’t open. I wouldn’t have enough time to run there and back but I could certainly do it on my bike in time to do the preK pick up.
As I rode home as fast as I could with the secured gift certificate in my bike basket and my headphones blaring the Glee Pandora station (it’s a happy place – appropriately titled Glee) I had to risk being squashed by the speeding traffic or plow through some malfunctioning sprinklers watering the sidewalk. I plowed through the sprinklers. As I emerged out from under the water cruising about 10 miles an hour I got an extreme sense of euphoria. I can’t even explain it. All I knew is that in that moment
I WAS FREE.
As I pondered how I wanted to feel that way all of the time, I realized why motherhood is so hard on me: there is very little freedom in motherhood. In fact, it is the most all-consuming job ever known to mankind. No wonder I feel so trapped: I am a free spirit. I just want to be free. Other “not as conscientious” mothers may neglect their children in search of their own freedom. Not just OTHER moms, all of us moms probably do that from time to time, I know I do. I know many moms who are always out for their own entertainment to the detriment of their children. I don’t want to be that kind of mom, and so I remain in a conundrum between being a good mom and having my greatest desire of freedom.
I will be exploring solutions on how I can achieve these two important elements in my life simultaneously. One way I do know works is to involve my kids in the free experiences. My favorite memories are when I am being free WITH my family: bike rides, camping trips, Disneyland, ocean visits, silly string fights, mud slinging, dancing in the rain, star gazing, and hiking. I guess that is why I am such a playful mom.
Note to self: PLAY more. PLAY always. It will make you happy.
Oh yeah, the tramp reference. All morning long while thinking of this post I have been singing to myself.
She loves the free fresh wind in her hair. Life without care.
LG is going to like this.