40 pounds

Our landlord came over today.
We’ve never met in person before.
The only place she has ever seen me
is on my blog.
Coincidentally, my blog is how she
decided to rent to us last April.
She walked in the house
and said,
“Wow, you look so different than I expected.
You look so different than your blog.”
I said,
“I’ve lost forty pounds since that blog photo.”
Then she said she could really tell
and that I should update my photo.
I decided to do a little experiment and take a photo to compare.
I do believe there is a difference.
A toddler size difference.
The side by side was validation
for all that running
and calorie counting.
I so wish I could have a baby without gaining
that forty pounds back.
But, I am grateful for the knowledge 
that my parents raised me to have.
Family is what matters most.
And guess what?
I have a family that loves me
no matter what size I am.
And I have four wonderful children
who are extremely grateful to me
for not placing my appearance
at such a high priority that
they were completely erased
from this world.
I know of many women
who determine their self-worth
by size.
I want you all to know
that I was just as important 
to my God, my husband, and my children
in that before picture.
And I will keep that picture on my blog,
even though I can now change it out for a skinnier version
because I love me
and I love that those old pounds represent
the time I spent with my children
and the months I gave to growing them inside of me
instead of obsessing at the gym
to please people in a world that
have screwed up priorities.
Yes, I feel a million times better
now that I exercise regularly
and eat healthier.
And yes there are women
out there who look great
and can have babies and go back to 
pre-baby size the day after birth.
Yes, there are women who
are healthy and not unhealthily obsessed with their weight.
Yes, yes, yes.
But me, I am probably going to gain my
forty pounds back
and I will probably gain more back after
the next baby is born
because having a newborn is stressful to me
and I get so tired
and choose to take care of my kids
over myself.
I may do better this time
as I have made great progress in 
the taking care of me category.
Or I may not.
But in the end,
I will have made the choice that matters most.
And that makes me happy
with the before and after pictures.
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7 comments

  1. Last year in June I met with a doctor that also runs a weight loss program (well he did -he stopped because of women wanting a quick solution). I was weighed then and I year later I am down 5 pounds. He made a big deal about my progress. I considered it kind since I wish it was 45 pounds down. He was even more impressed with my cholesterol dropping from 259 to 186… he was amazed and wanted to know how I did it??? Truthfully… I don't know. But I do know that if I continue at my current pace I will reach my goal weight in 15 years. (approx 65 years old) Wow! That is a long time. The weight loss battle is a life long journey (for some more than others).

    I wish you the best Miss Alice!

    ToOdLeS.

  2. you have inspired me so much Alice. I have been struggling with my weight and having a battle with myself. I can be so hard on myself. Now that my mother is battling cancer…I can see how important it is to take better care of myself.

  3. I'm about to find out what my post-baby body will do. I've never been much of an exerciser, which doesn't seem to bode too well for me. But at this point I'm so tired of being pregnant that I don't really care.

  4. This is my 6th week working out and I feel really great. You're right, that's what it should be about. I admit however, I started working out to try to lose a few pounds…. that was my priority. I can be obsessive about it, but now that I'm 6 weeks in, being healthier has really taken a front seat!!! I really haven't lost any weight either, I just feel 100x better about myself and in general.

    I think you look beautiful in both pictures!

  5. Wait, what?! I have ignored the blog world for so long I didn't even know…you're having a BABY?!!! oh my word. I'm a bad friend.

    You look so great, by the way.

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