Just Ask Alice – Inception (Spanking)

Dana and I go way back. All the way back to California in the 80’s, where she thought I was the coolest girl at camp and decided she wanted to be just like me when she grew up. She has done pretty well with that, except to really pass the Alice look alike test I think she will have to put on a few pounds. Like 100 or so.
A few years ago, Dana and I were shocked to run into each other, after 20 years, at church in Atlanta, where we thought it odd that we both had three children (I believe all of hers were girls) and attorney husbands.

Here is a link to her website, where you will see that she is a talented photographer. I  love her style. You can also like her on facebook. And even though her photography is the bomb, let me tell you that Dana is a hoot. I would pay her to take my picture just because I know she could get a real smile out of me. She may not even have to say anything. Just looking at her makes me laugh. She has the vibe.
Dana came up with the idea for Just Ask Alice.
She said she thinks I could give good advice. Little does she know that I have spent my whole adult life-hood learning how to keep my opinions and advice to myself. Or maybe she does know that (or even relates) but she is flattering me and laughing behind my back as she sends me to my own destruction.
But, I like the idea of having things to write about. Things that interest my readers.
Great picture to go with spanking, eh? It was Dana’s idea.
Did I tell you how much I LOVE her photography?
And her sense of humor?

Dana’s question that I will answer:

How do you feel about spanking?
Don’t do it. Unless it’s for your husband. My husband deserves a bunch of spankings right now, but it’s all good cause he likes being spanked.
But really, while raising four children, I have come to realize that spanking is absolutely ineffective.

To show you the proof: My mom used to line us up as kids and spank us with wooden spoons. It didn’t have ANY, not one iota of influence on our behavior, except for making us laugh. And see how I turned out? Good argument, eh?

My mom was a successful spanker. Why? Because she never spanked out of anger. She slapped me as a teenager out of anger, but that wasn’t the question. And in her defense, I pretty much deserved it.

We quit spanking when our oldest was about three, at about the same time we got rid of the pacifier. And while I am writing this, I am realizing that I think there was a connection between the two. Once she was free of the paci and could talk back a whole lot more, I found myself getting more and more out of control with my anger and the more I spanked the more she acted aggressively.

I’ve heard that some children respond to spanking better, but I think I can honestly say that I have many different personalities represented by my children, my siblings, nieces and nephews, and friends’ children and none need to be spanked.

I know I know. Spare the rod, spoil the child. God never said the rod had to come in the form of spanking. We prefer the punishment techniques of withdrawal, torture, humiliation, and time-out.

Keep posted for our children’s future blogs where they discuss all they overcame in therapy.

What’s your take on the subject? Maybe you actually have something smart to say?

Leave me a question for a future Just Ask Alice and I will give you a shout out with the answer.



  1. I'm not gonna lie I've spanked my kids a few times. My boys are so old now (8 & 6)that no other punishment works. It's not out of anger (I also learned that one from my awesome parents) it's simply. If you do that you will get spanked and I have to follow through with the consequence. It's rare that it comes down to a spanking but I definitely don't think it's abuse when used as a form of punishment and not anger. Anyways….just my 2 cents.

  2. WE (aka Tony) spanked our kids the most… I wasn't a big fan of hitting… but there were times I resorted to what would get the attention I demanded. Once I spanked Stewart and he laughed at me… my hand hurt like hell and I decided right there that his bottom was a whole lot tougher than my hand… and it wasn't worth the injury to me.

    My Dad was a belt and switch guy… I to this day destest using an object to hit a kid with. The most memorable belting happened in front of a girlfriend that was staying over and we were laughing to loud and Dad had to work the next day… and I got it big time. Truthfully… my Dad could just look disappointed and that hurt me more deeply than the belt or switch. I never wanted to disappoint.

    Love you Alice!

    (commenting from Logan, Utah)

  3. My feelings: I save spankings for EXTREME situations. Like, running out into the street or playing with matches or knives or something. I rarely, rarely use spanking – so that's why it's effective. Because my kids are like WHA-?! And they never do it again.

  4. I'm not against them, but I think it's pretty difficult to not spank when you're angry. Who isn't angry when their kids are being rotten? I don't believe in the whole, “spanking teaches kids to hit” theory though because it's not hitting, it's spanking. The first time I catch my kids spanking each other, I'll reevaluate.

  5. So I refused to spank until a child was 4 years old. I tried it and agree that it is ineffective also. The child still repeats the behaviors. I have also tried to save it for extreme situations but found other things to be more effective.

    I am really glad to know about Dana's talents! I will go like her page now! I'm not surprised though…she has such a bubbly personality! -Jennifer

  6. Obviously your not spanking hard enough. You really have to put some elbow torque into it. If it doesn't leave a mark or bruise, it wasn't done proper. And none of this over the diaper mess either. I like a bare bottom or leg to smack. Then you get a good sound effect, plus the humiliation like you said if you are in public.

    But really, we don't spank a bunch. Time out works the best for us because our kids are so active. Most of the time, they need a few minutes to sit and calm down and then they are perfect angels…with horns.

  7. My feelings: I save spankings for EXTREME situations. Like, running out into the street or playing with matches or knives or something. I rarely, rarely use spanking – so that's why it's effective. Because my kids are like WHA-?! And they never do it again.

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