Apology

I just got done listening to
Taylor Swift’s new song

her apology to
Taylor Lautner.
How could anyone
ever be mean to Taylor Lautner?
What a little hottie.
Anyhow,
I am in a reflective mood right now.
And I am pondering
apologies.
I think Taylor’s song is brilliant.
I think about the times in my life
when I have hurt other people,
and I wish I could go back
and do it differently.
If I can’t go back and do it differently,
I wish that I could
communicate my regret
and sorrow
more masterfully.
I also think about the times
when I have been hurt.
And how I wish everyone
were good
with giving
a sincere apology.
Why is it so hard to say sorry?
I do it all the time.
Seriously.
But, anyhow,
this song
got me thinking even deeper.
Taylor’s lyrics
talk about how she can tell
that whoever she is singing to
is not loving with the same intensity
when she sees him the next time.
He is “holding back”,
I think that’s how she put it.
“That in the back of his mind
he has that night in December
playing on replay.”
That is how I feel so often.
I don’t want to be hurt.
So, I hold back,
The next time I am
given the opportunity to love.
When listening to this song,
I felt what seemed to be sincere regret
in the lyrics.
But, do people really change?
If I were on the receiving end
of the original hurt
would I be able to make myself trust again?
Trust that they really changed?
What about if the hurt is repeated,
Over and over again?
I like to think that I would trust.
That I would tell you it’s o.k.
But what if you aren’t trustworthy?
How can I tell that you’ve really changed?
And how can I make myself
trust someone
who repeatedly hurts me?
I can either stop being hurt,
which seems would require me
to love with less intensity.
Or the other person
could quit hurting me.
But is that even possible?
For a human
to never disappoint?
Isn’t that what life is all about?
Learning to love
in spite of human flaws?
Learning to trust
the people who have
the most power to hurt?
I don’t know.
All I do know is that
I wanna love with all my heart.
And I don’t want to be hurt.
That’s it.
And I’m not gonna stop
until I have the answers.
I know THE answer
is
Jesus Christ.
But, I hope I can
invite His power
into my life.
Every time
I want to love.
Especially when I have been hurt.
I have been reading a book
entitled
Boundaries
by
Dr’s Henry Could and John Townsend
I was amazed at this quote
and it’s relevance
to what I had already written.
Emotional distance is a temporary boundary to give your heart the space it needs to be safe; it is never a permanent way of living. People who have been in abusive relationships need to find a safe place to begin to “thaw out” emotionally. Sometimes in abusive marriages the abused spouse needs to keep emotional distance until the absusive partner begins to face his or her problems and become trustworthy.
You should not continue to set yourself up for hurt and disappointment. If you have been in an abusive relationship, you should wait until it is safe and until real patterns of change have been demonstrated before you go back. Many people are too quick to trust someone in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the other is producing “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8) To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.

5 comments

  1. I have noticed that for some… just simply saying 'I am sorry' is like ripping their heart from their chest. Some just won't say it.

    I know that I have an awesome talent for bricklaying and wall building… when I am hurt I love to build walls to protect myself. But one thing I have learned… in building walls… you shut everyone out. I think it is good to be able to trust again… but it is so hard.

    ToOdLeS.

    ps. I love your insight and this post.

  2. “I can either stop being hurt,
    which seems would require me
    to love with less intensity.”

    No you just love with understanding and forgiveness. Like Jesus does. He doesn’t pull back because he bled for our pain. He just understands, he is patient and he makes boundaries. Well, it’s also a bit different with him because he already suffered for it all. Which we are not called to do for others, but there is a principle here on how to love to be sure.

    “I don't know.
    All I do know is that
    I wanna love with all my heart.
    And I don't want to be hurt.
    That's it.”

    Good luck with that. :0) We love humans and they let us down to smaller and greater degrees. Not that we should let ourselves be abused, but our loved ones are going to have bad days. They just are and they will likely allow their guard to be down with those they trust the most and therefore they will dump on them the most. I have dumped all over my dad and one reason why I went so far, NOT that it was okay or right, is because I know his love and acceptance of me is undying. I have repented and I wouldn’t be so cruel and mean as I have to him, but in moments when I was hurt I lashed out to hurt and it found it’s way on him. I think he wasn’t as “abused” by it as he could be because I think he understood my pain and he knew it was about me and not that he was a bad father. He’s been a great father! Full of weakness, but the dad I have needed him to be.

    Also I think, as I understand it, when I love with all my heart. I’m not hurt by others poor choices. Because there isn’t anything per say that I need. For the love that I have purely and fully is not expecting love. It is giving love.

    That quote is also wise about boundaries, we do have to make them to do so is healthy.

  3. Though that giving love in a spouse relationship is going to be different.

    Because there is an EXPECTATION, there should be on some level. There is a contract. I still think though to make a marriage work one has to endure more then we might expect in the way of pain. For two reasons. One for pure love sake of them which is our duty, and also sometimes in through loving through the pain we feel we grow and change. We grow by making a sacrifice.

    Again this is not to say I think one should let them self be the victim of any kind of abuse.

  4. Okay, you know me. I NEVER respond to posts, but this one speaks to me. This just reminds me even more why living worthy of the Holy Ghost is so important. There is no cookie cutter perfect response to handling abuse or poor relationships. They are all different and are all going to require a personalized response. It is important to forgive, and the Savior taught that, however, He did not teach us that this means that we must endure never-ending abuse and mistrust. Only the Holy Ghost can help guide us to the appropriate response. No mortal person on this earth ever fully knows what each other go through and therefor is in no position to judge a victim's response. For some, enduring is the answer. For others, removal is. Only a loving Heavenly Father knows which is the correct course.

    I love you

  5. “I can either stop being hurt,
    which seems would require me
    to love with less intensity.
    Or the other person
    could quit hurting me.
    But is that even possible?
    For a human
    to never disappoint?”

    This reminds me of a similar thing I have struggled with. I struggle with anger and being angry. My husband is typically the instigator, source, or recipient of my anger.
    One day while getting ready for a women's retreat focused on love no doubt! We get into a “tif”. I am furious. I begin pondering on the scripture

    Ephesians 4:26
    26″In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

    How does this happen? How was I to fix this before I left. I felt in my spirit. “chose not to be angry”. Shocking. But I did.

    I don't always make this choice.

    Dorry

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