So, I had a short stint as a cashier at Target this year. Wow, was that enjoyable! If you ever need to be motivated to go back to college, just go and take a $7/hr job that deals with the public and retail during the holidays.
I have no idea why, but I have always had this dream of being a cashier ever since I was a little girl. I always loved to play grocery while growing up. I think I dreamed of being a cashier because it combines things that I love: meeting different people, working at a fast pace, pounding on a keyboard, and organizing (you can’t put the bacon in with the Tampax now, can you?) It only took two shifts for me to totally outlive my dream of being a cashier. Well, as LeGrand says, “It’s a good thing you got that cashier stint out of your system because I am on the virge of making the big bucks.” Time shall tell. When LG is a millionaire, I don’t think he will want a Target cashier for his trophy wife.
Well, anyhow, it is late and I am tired and I want to get to the funny part of my story. There were many things that happened funny at Target. I may remember all of them someday. There were also many unfunny things that happened to me at Target, like the day I left a customer in my checkout line with a quart of spilled chocolate milk. What person did I find to help me on my third day…the only person not working…the HR lady….what did she do….She exclaimed, “You left a spill, didn’t you watch that training video?” Oh, yeah, I vaguely remember that video that said to never leave a spill…but, if no one else is willing to help, how in the world will it ever get cleaned up unless you walk away and get some cleaning stuff? And, I had asked the customer to stay there and watch it. It was her own darn fault for handing the bottle to that darn toddler to chuck it down on the ground at least 5 times.
Well, you know I became the expert Target cashier because on my next to last shift when a woman urinated all over my checkout line, I didn’t move a muscle. I stood there like a statue and flipped my blinking light until my team lead came and took care of the situation (Yes, he took care of it alright – he told me, he would watch the spill while I ran to clean it up…yes, the joy of being management- another reason to go to college or work at Target for 10 years straight after getting your GED – And, he was quite helpful – he said, “You may want to get some Lysol off the shelf for this one”)
So, the short funny story. One evening, a woman came through. She was purchasing a bunch of “for kids only” stuff, including mylicon drops and detangling spray. Now, you know my goal in working at Target was to make sure everyone left with a smile. (not because Target told me to, just because I like to make people smile.) Now, if any guest left with a laugh, then I would be able to come home feeling really underpaid. (there is no feeling that can compare to being underpaid)
So, I strike up a conversation with this woman as I check her out. “Have you used this stuff before”, I ask as I chuck her mylicon drops in the bag. “I have three daughters and have never tried it.” She says, “Oh yeah, if you have three daughters you have to have it. You epecially need it with curly hair. You would not believe how much it helps.”
I say, “Really, curly hair, I have never heard that before. I have only heard that there is a link between babies with hair and a pregnant mother’s heartburn.” At which points she starts cracking up. I say, “I can’t believe that, children with curly hair have more gas than those with straight. That would explain why I have never needed those mylicon gas drops, all my girls have pretty straight hair. Who knew.” I keep going with, “Well, they did get some gas when they were really little; I wonder if that is when their hair was curlier.” She just laughs even harder, at which point she takes the bottle of Detangling Spray out of the bag. She says, “I thought you were asking me if I have used this stuff before, not the Mylicon drops.”
I am sure that my face turned a brighter shade of red then my beautiful Target polo. At which point, I started cracking up. I had no reason to be embarassed, she was loving this funny conversation. As a few other people around us started laughing too, my shirt immediately flushed back to it’s normal color, which is roughly the same shade of my Target khaki pants. Now, don’t you think that they should have given me a raise to at least $7.50/an hr. I made at least 6 people laugh that night, not to mention the skill of making my skin the same colors as my uniform.
If you should decide to continue your illustrious cashier career, and then in twenty years or so, you decide to run for president, you could truthfully make the claim:>>“Some people hope for change; some people talk about change, but I’ve been working hard to make change since 2007!!!!!!”
I love your blog! You’re a funny lady, so I’m adding you to my favorites!>>Renee
THAT is the funniest story ever Alice!!!! (the urinating story — no so much! LOL)>>Any fleeting thoughts I’ve had of applying for a job at Target are now pretty much OUT of my head!!! LOL!
Ummm…that was supposed to say “not” so much — yes, I can spell!
That is good blog material right there. Thanks for recognizing that and making me laugh this morning. Alice, you ARE so funny!
And I thought working at Stevenette’s was enough to get the cashier bug out of your system. But, I do love target. I just hope I’m not one of those annoying customers!
Curly hair = gas…classic! The lady peeing is pretty funny too (<>now<>, not then), but also kind of creepy.
I was reading the comment you left and laughed so hard that my little boys, in the middle of their UNO game, asked, “what’s so funny mom?” Do I tell them I’m not the only one who flatulates?
I just read your Target post. I was thinking, “No wonder I have gas! I have curly (or had curly) hair!” But when I finished reading, I thought it was even funnier!
That’s hilarious! Okay seriously I had to read this entry twice. It was really late last night and when I got to the drops, I got confused. Then today I clicked the link just to make sure that they were in fact infant gas drops. LOL. As I read on, I finally followed it…I could not figure out where the lady was coming from. TOO FUNNY!!
I love that story! I have always wanted to be a cashier, as well, and think that somehow I must not be truly grown up since I don’t know how to use a cash register (never mind my college training in reading, writing and analytical skills!). I’ve always wanted to be a waitress, too – have you done that one?
I was so confused. . .I kept thinking, Brighton has really curly hair and she is not full of gas–I do however use the spray on her hair!!