friends

In the past week my eyes have been opened to the fact that it is wonderful to belong to a church family.
In four different moments I had a deep sense of love for my neighbors and gratitude for my village of residence.

The first was during last week’s Relief Society (my church’s female organization) activity. We had the most fun back-to-school themed activity where we had workshops about lifelong learning, community volunteering, healthy lunches, and teacher’s gifts. After the great informative classes taught not by experts but by my fellow church-going women who studied and shared knowledge (thank you Pinterest) we had a fun recess and lunch. The ladies shown below made me laugh with their hairnets and it was just so enjoyable to sit and chat with other women while eating a cafeteria style lunch.

Then on Saturday we had a pretty big storm and a neighbor posted on Facebook that they had a large fallen limb threatening to crush their fence. By the time we got to the house to help the limb was not only dislodged but cut into pieces. Ten others had showed before us and working alongside them felt like a sacred privilege.

Bella was really sad that for the third year in a row she wasn’t going to have a grandparent at grandparent’s day. She is sensitive like that and I wanted to be accommodating. My parents live four hours away and my in-laws live across the country. Lucky for me she has a special relationship with one of her previous primary leaders. When I called to ask Joyce if she would be willing to be Bella’s adopted grandparent she said, “It would be my privilege.” I hung up the phone with tears in my eyes.

Later that day while walking through the neighborhood I saw two home-teachers out not just doing their home-teaching but going the extra mile and changing a starter in the car of a single mom. I got a lump in my throat and turned back to take a picture. I just knew that I had to share the joy of living among like-minded neighbors who all look out for each other.

I am so blessed to live in a pretty great village. Now, how do I get those home-teachers for when my transmission gives out? Just kidding. Kind of.

I look forward to sharing more African Proverbs. I’ve added a menu up top inspired by this query on pinterest. I hit the jackpot on wisdom on Pinterest and in my choice of neighborhoods.

After I prepared for this post on Tuesday with the above pin, I went to pick up my girls from their activity at church and discovered that our family had been blessed this week yet again. One leader covered for another leader in emergency and by herself she forged through the originally planned activity. She single-handily did every one of these girls hair all pretty as promised. I have four daughters and I don’t think in my entire motherhood career I have done that much hair. The neighbors in my village are pretty phenomenal. I hope you are blessed with a village just like mine. If you aren’t, no matter where you are in the world, there is probably one just like them to be found at your nearest The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. By their fruits ye shall know them.

Watching these grandpas walk together on the trail forced me to take inventory the other day. Am I a good friend? Do I have friends I can count on?

I have so much room for improvement.

I get lonely often. I have been trying to cultivate my relationship with God to a deeper level and feel successful. My relationship with my husband is better than ever (thank you marriage counselor.) I’ve also been spending a lot of time with my kids – can’t get away from them – blasted summer. However, I still get lonely.

At the same time, I like being alone. I don’t feel lonely when I am alone. Weird, eh? It leaves me wondering what my loneliness is trying to tell me because some of my happiest times are when I am alone. I guess when I am alone I am closest to God so that explains that. So what is this loneliness and why do I often feel it when I am surrounded by people?

As I run and bike the trail, I see all kinds of people engaged in all kinds of activity. Lately, though, I’ve been paying the greatest attention to the people who walk with a companion.

They always seem engaged in a beautiful thing with and without conversation. When there are just two people they always seem to genuinely be enjoying one another’s company. The picture above depicts one of these scenarios I found most touching.

I just read an article from the LA times that linked loneliness to premature death. I loved this line.

Anyone familiar with Henry David Thoreau knows that isolation does not necessarily lead to loneliness, while the story of Marilyn Monroe shows that a strong social life can still leave you lonely.

I think for me personally, I experience loneliness because at 39, I still struggle with emotional maturity. At least that is what the therapist said. Ha ha. I want to learn how to be closer to people. I want an old man to walk with on my path….o.k. maybe an old woman as I have an old man in my husband already. I’ve been on the prowl for a friendship that will be more deep and fulfilling, but so far it has been a challenge for me to find. Living in a society where putting on airs seems mandatory makes it almost impossible. There seems to be so much competition to be the best in everything nowadays instead of an atmosphere of “hey, you’re screwed up, I’m screwed up, you want to be friends?”

At the same time, I over-share and over-communicate, and maybe seek out too much emotional support and encouragement. I air my dirty laundry in hope of acceptance and am often left disappointed. I also struggle with comparison so it’s hard for me to befriend people who are out to prove themselves better than me.

I find myself pulling away from people who are surface friends. I can’t handle being surrounded by perfect people. I need real. Part of me worries that maybe I am expecting too much from others and not focusing on myself enough, but I think that is just paranoia talking. I think what is really happening is that for the first time in my life I am getting in touch with the real me: the good, the bad, the ugly. I am learning to love myself and accept myself. Like a person who trains with friends for a marathon: when the person is running consistently 2 minutes faster per mile, it’s time to find new running partners. For me, as I seek out emotional wellness, it means that surface friendships are no longer enough. The other people are two minutes behind and I can’t stop my personal best to wait for them. It hurts. It’s a painful change, and maybe even sometimes a lonely place, but eventually I think I will find them and I will be all the better for it.

I am left pondering is true friendship able to be maintained despite emotional wellness? I guess the real question is “should it be”?

I am going to open comments on this post only. I would love to hear kind feedback on how to create and maintain quality friendships.