Music

Sunday Pin: My Treasure

Two beautiful works of art have touched me deeply this weekend. I hope I can do them justice as I piece them together to tell you of the profound inspired message they’ve etched on my soul.

The first was this painting that hangs in the LDS Church History Museum in Salt Lake City. It is entitled Lehi’s Dream by Steven L. Neal. This copy I found online doesn’t do the original justice. The piece is absolutely beautiful. When an artist can make light illuminate from his brush strokes it always leaves me in awe. This piece won first prize in the 1987 Fine Arts Competition and hangs right outside the bathrooms on the main floor of the museum. It’s a good thing we needed a pit stop or I might have missed it all together. I find it very curious that although we went to the museum to see some Norman Rockwell originals (I love Norman Rockwell) this piece touched me so much deeper.

For those of you unfamiliar with Lehi’s Vision, this piece references 1 Nephi 8 from The Book of Mormon. Lehi was a prophet who shared a vision about the tree of life. In the vision, those who cling to the rod (scripture) will be lead to the tree to gain eternal life. The great and spacious building is depicted on the right – it represents worldliness.

What struck me so powerfully in this masterpiece were the people who had reached the tree. They are at the bottom of the piece and they are all holding a portion of light in their hands. Directly above dreaming Lehi, the mother is holding the small child and is kneeling across from the father who is holding the child’s hand. Their circle of love brought tears to my eyes.

Could it possibly be that simple? Light and joy is found in the family? When you find it you have no need for the great and spacious building or anything limited to its realm? Those with the light in this painting don’t even seem to notice the grandiose structure which holds kings and queens and treasures galore much less the college degrees, prestigious titles, fame, and the slew of other stumbling blocks to real happiness. While looking into this painting, I received a message just for me. It was an answer to a conversation LG and I had just the evening before. I wondered what would make me really happy. What did I need to feel completely fulfilled in this life? Surely, the answer couldn’t just be motherhood. What would happen to me if my kids grew up to be total losers? Surely I can’t allow my happiness to be contingent on them.

A tear ran down my cheek. Besides my own salvation, the only other thing that matters to my eternal destiny is whether or not my family will be with me on the side of light or not. All the other things I have worried about and considered to give me the personal happiness I’ve been lacking are just me stabbing at the facets of that great and spacious building. I have everything I need within the walls of my own home, I’ve just been too prideful to see it.

The second form of art came to me this morning via the local radio station that plays church music on Sundays. I don’t even think I have to tell you how this song touched me if I just tell you the title. It’s sung by Mindy Gledhill and its called More than The World. Take a listen and join me on my second journey this weekend into the beauty we call family.

As I sat down to write this post a scripture came to mind. I made it into a pin with a picture of my view while hiking with Abigail early this summer. We were headed down a beautiful mountain trail and in the moment as I snapped this picture I felt such a love and admiration for my oldest daughter. In this moment, just as with the two pieces of art, I was able to capture my real treasure. I am so very blessed to be a mother and I am so grateful God has been patient with me as He repeatedly opens my eyes to the true happiness that I can only find here at home.

How to be Healthy

I had a friend reach out to me the other day for weight-loss advice. She knows I have been trying to do sugar-free and she wants to join me as her doctor told her to go off white flour and sugar. Over the course of the conversation she mentioned that she wants to lose weight because she is sick of feeling like crap about herself.

This is what I told her:

I am proud of you. The BEST thing for me in my weight loss journey has been for me to LOVE myself first. I haven’t lost weight as a way to learn to love myself, I learned to love and respect myself and then the weight has come off naturally. You are such a beautiful person and you deserve to love you!

She responded affirmatively and told me she had never thought of weight-loss in that way.

With this post, I just want to be one right voice in a million wrong ones that stands up for loving ourselves and not aiming to look like supermodels.

When I see overweight people I give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have terrible medical problems that keeps them from optimal health or maybe they have never been taught anything better. Maybe they have emotional problems. There is one thing I know about all of them in today’s society. If they are overweight, they are more than likely down on themselves about it. Even if it isn’t their fault, they feel profoundly flawed. What does our society do? They make them feel broken and incapable. As a society we aren’t really good at loving each other or ourselves.

We need a louder message of self-love. If we really want to change ourselves, we need love and education. First, though, we need love because no one is going to want education until they can love themselves enough to stop the self abuse. Even if they can find the willpower to lose the excess weight without self-love they will just use their physique as another crutch at fake self acceptance. I know a lot of really sick people who look perfect physically.

I felt so happy to help this friend as I’ve been on the side of being helped and it was nice to see the assistance to full circle. I still have a long way to go in my optimal health but I feel so good because I know I love me and I am taking care of me to the best of my ability.

Like I said to my friend, “Even though the doctor’s BMI chart says I need to lose forty more pounds, I don’t need to lose any more weight to feel happy with my health. When I do lose weight it’s just a positive grade on my report card.” Whenever I lose weight it just affirms what I already knew, “Good for me! I am eating right and exercising correctly. My body, my mind, and my heart are in sync .”

Here is one of my favorite motivational YouTube videos about weight-loss,
it is a beautiful true message from a really talented and brave musician
who happens to agree with me about self-love and the power of God in overcoming weakness.

Sunday Pin – Pray, He is There

For some reason, I struggle with formal prayers. I believe I do pretty good at praying always in my heart, but to actually kneel down next to my bed, keep my eyes closed, and pray with words from my heart is harder for me. It’s not that I don’t believe anyone is listening, it’s just that I am lazy.

Today I had a profound lesson taught to me. Our Bishop came in to visit with the children at church. I happened to be there as a Primary teacher and got to hear his very short message. “Would you kids ignore your dad? Would you ever just quit talking to him? ….Like you live in the same house, and pass each other in the hall all the time, eat together, sit on the same couch, but you just never say a word?” The children all answered with resounding, “No ways!” I sat in shame realizing that this is exactly what I do to my God every night before I go to bed. I know I should check in, I just don’t.

As I listened to the children sing with the Bishop, the Spirit penetrated my heart. Heavenly Father wants to hear from me. I am his daughter. For those of you familiar with the song A Child’s Prayer you know it is split into two parts. The most common arrangement of the song that I have seen is for girls to sing the first part and the boys to sing the second and then the parts are sung together simultaneously.

Well, our chorister had a stroke of genius. She taught the children the first verse and brought the Bishop in to sing the second. I didn’t know our Bishop had such a beautiful voice, but I also didn’t expect the profound feelings of reverence I felt as he sang in response to the question, “Heavenly Father, are you really there?”

As he sang, “Pray, He is there,” I felt the answer directly to me. I felt as if the Bishop was my personal messenger for my Father who wants me to stop ignoring Him in the hall. “You are his child. His love now surrounds you. He hears your prayer. He loves the children.” I could not continue singing with the children as the spiritual feelings I was feeling were so strong that I just couldn’t contain my emotion. I knew my Heavenly Father wanted to hear from my more formally, but I also knew without a doubt that I am His child and that He is always listening, no matter how slothful I have been about kneeling down. He loves me as His child, just as He does all the little children in the room with me today and the rest of his children throughout His world.

It was a beautiful day to be a primary teacher.

Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer ev’ry child’s prayer?
Some say that heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

“Suffer the children to come to me.”
Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.Pray, he is there;

Speak, he is list’ning.
You are his child;

His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayer;

He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav’n.

Here are some fun versions of the song I just found on youtube, or you can hit the above link to hear the song in its pure form.

Family – Hinckley Style

While living in Tennessee, we got to know a wonderful family
who also happens to be extremely talented musically.

I have always loved this song which has a beautiful parenting theme.

Yesterday I discovered one of Derek’s most recently written songs and it brought me to tears.
It has such a true message about raising children,
the sacrifice of it, but most of all, the rewards gained.
It made me even more grateful to be a mother.
I hope it does the same for all of you.

And here is an added bonus.
It’s two of the Hinckleys singing one of my favorite love songs
for a TN local talent show audition: The Nashville Star.
This song describes perfectly the love that I share
with my extra quiet hubby. “When You Say Nothing At All”

Sunday Pin – Afrian Proverb – Sisterhood

I’m blogging during Sunday School to the utter disgruntlement of my hubby. Any minute he will look over to the screen of my I-pad, read this, and shake his head at me. I think God’s o.k. with it as He knows I seek Him in my life and understands my struggle to pay attention in this class. (Oh please don’t get this back to my Sunday School teacher). I almost just made a comment so I guess I am really safe because apparently I can multitask.

Heavy on my heart today is the topic of sisterhood. In our last meeting we got to hear from the beautiful young women of our congregation and to my pure delight my daughter Abigail was among them. She’s so beautiful and has grown up strong and insightful. I’m so proud of my girl. She took my breathe away today. How did this struggling mom raise such an absolutely amazing creature? God is good.

Abigail shared a little story about her girls’ camp experience. They went geo-caching and she was so frustrated when she couldn’t find a cache and was disappointed in her intellect when another girl found it before her. (I chuckled as this girl relies on her smarts and believes in them 100% – just like her dad – I wish I could have that intellectual confidence) She talked about how she had realized through the experience that Rachel (the girl who had found the cache) had served as a reminder to the importance of the Holy Ghost. Abigail realized she would never know everything, but God would be there and send her the Holy Ghost to help her when she didn’t. With the help of the Holy Ghost, she could get from where she was stuck to where she needed to go. What more could a mother ask for her daughter to know? I can’t think of anything. I was so so grateful for all the leaders who helped Abigail to have this experience.

Here you can find the touching song that Abigail and her fellow sisters in the gospel learned this week. When they sang it today I bawled like a baby because through this music, sung by women alone, my daughter had the opportunity to learn of her capacity for good. And so much good she and her sisters in the gospel will do.

You’re Gold.

I’ve thought many times that I should dedicate this song to my girls.
They are gold literally and figuratively.
If you don’t get it, remember our last name is Gold.
I married into a great last name, but even better than the name is the fact that I am a mother to four beautiful daughters who are truly golden. They shine so bright and make me the richest woman in the world.

you're gold

: Here are Bella and Sophia mining for gold at The Mormon Batallion Center last week.

I was impressed today by this video made by a bunch of old stuffy Mormon clergy.
It touched my heart as I thought about these old dudes putting aside their stodginess to get a very important message out to the youth that they are called to lead.

You’re gold. You’re all gold.

We had a lady get up in church yesterday and talk about her newly appointed position as the suicide prevention specialist for the state of Utah. She talked about how excited she was to get out an important message to the kids in the state of Utah. Her message is the same: You’re all gold. She said she may not be able to teach them the gospel, but somehow she would find a way to get the message into the kids….they are of infinite worth.

This is a concept with which I have a personal struggle. In fact I received a message today from another lady from church. She sat through a lesson and heard a comment I had made. She took a moment today to say this to me:

Just thought I would pass along this quote to you after what you shared in Relief Society. It’s something I’m working on too! “One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves. One of our common failings is to depreciate our tremendous worth.” Elder Perry We need to try to remember that we are daughters of Deity and are so loved. Have a Great Day! P.S. My impression of you is you seem very giving and an incredible mom.

This beautiful little note was such a contrast to the barrage of texts I got last Friday from a disgruntled family member. [Noted: She had every right to be upset with me after my last post that I ignorantly shared and very promptly removed – My hubby helped me understand that although my quest for honesty is very noble, I can’t force it upon other people or air their dirty laundry] Anyhow, I heard what she had to say but she kept dishing out advice via many texts. It was overwhelming and I couldn’t even process all she had to say. I just agreed with her and tried to keep the interaction to a minimum. She was right, I was wrong, but the circumstances reminded me of my own tendency to think I should control how other people do or do not act instead of just loving them where they are.

How much more motivating it is to hear a person tell me one good thing about myself. In fact, it’s a million times easier for me to to take advice when I know someone truly believes in my worth and wants to lift me up. I am praying specifically this week that God will help me see everyone as the gold that they are, especially within my family. I also hope that my very overwhelming experience from last week will help me remember to keep my compliments at full-tilt and my advice to minimum.

{Family member if you are reading this – which I hope you are not – I love you – I understand you – We are very much alike – I have processed and reprocessed everything you had to say and will try to be better – Please don’t flood my phone with texts again. My heavy heart can’t handle it. Today I am just working on trying to remember that you are gold, and the even harder task is convincing myself that I am gold too.}

Moon River

Today is my man’s 38th birthday.
I would like to dedicate this song to him.

I see the whole world when I am with you LG.
I am so blessed to be your wife.
You are better than a huckleberry friend.

My favorite place to be with you
is naked under the sheets
when there is a big wide moon outside our window.

{Get over it – it’s my blog – we’ve had 4 kids – we obviously get naked together once in a while.}

My happiness is contingent upon my man’s happiness.
I am so glad that we can work together towards our combined dreams.

For me, birthdays and my obligation to celebrate them
are a great indicator of the most important people in my life.
LeGrand (I call him LG) is at the very top of my list
and from the day I married him his position at the top has never changed.
I’ve added four beautiful girls to the next top slots on the list.
Friends have come and gone on the list, or changed position from Top 10 to bottom 200. Lol

He’s changed. I’ve changed. We’ve changed.
But the love just gets stronger.
It’s beautiful.
Breathtakingly beautiful.

Carry Me Home Tonight {vlog}

We interrupt this regular blog post to show you what Alice has been doing all summer.

Yes, Alice does rock out in the car at all times. Usually she is in the driver’s seat and there are at least 6 children accompanying her to and fro from swimming, soccer, softball, parking, shopping, librarying, and the occasional break to Sonic for happy hour.

Life is good. And it also happens to be exhausting so carry me home tonight because I always set the world on fire.

Goodbye Things

I want money, lots and lots of money.
I want to be a billionaire so freaking bad.
Money, that’s what I want.
We are living in a material world,
and I am a material girl.

I love it when lyrics paint a good picture. This picture was me. It was me until something happened. Well, not just something, a lot of little things.

Trying to live by God’s standard for me was causing me a lot of heartache. When I quit my job I was stuck for weeks in the “woe is me” mode. Didn’t God understand that I didn’t want to live another year of my long 40 year life being poor? Hadn’t I had enough? For most of my life (except for those few rebellious years in high school) I have tried to be a good girl, and I have never known the freedom we call financial success. Didn’t this girl deserve a break?

The girl left her mom and dad’s house at 17 with nothing but a few suitcases and a deposit on an apartment and forged her way from there with no assistance at all. This girl worked two night jobs (sometimes til 2 am) while pregnant with her third baby to save money for hubby’s college. This girl lived three decades plus without a dishwasher and almost a decade with a dilapidated bathroom that embarrassed her to shame. This girl rarely had new clothes growing up and still goes without so much to buy her own kids clothes from the thrift-store. Wasn’t it time for this generous, obedient and loving daughter of God to know another way of life: the better way? Why God? Why when I want to work to have the finer things of life do you make me stay home? Why when everyone else seems to get multiple vacations a year, have new cars, big homes, and plenty to go around (even when they too have large families) are we made to suffer? Why do all those other ladies get to work to pay for that stuff and I am told to stay home?

I was D O N E. I felt picked on. I felt dejected. I was abandoned and forsaken. I was mad. I was hurt. I was confused. Why didn’t Got want me to have anything more when he seemed to give to everyone else so abundantly? Why did I always get the table scraps?

And then three things happened. The combination of which had a profound affect on my heart and mind.

First, I was sitting in Sunday School when asked to share a favorite scripture. I went looking in the Doctrine and Covenants for a verse that was extremely influential at a hard time in my life. It says, “Hold on thy way.” While searching, I stumbled upon an answer I needed in the moment. It happened to be another favorite that has stuck out to me many times in my poverty stricken life.

“And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world and seek for the things of a better.”
~Doctrine and Covenants 25:10

For those of you that don’t believe in Mormon scripture, here is the same message from The Holy Bible.

“But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.” ~Luke 12:31

I thought, “Why can’t I seem to let go of riches and seek the kingdom of God?”

Then a few weeks later, in a church meeting, we sang a hymn titled How Firm A Foundation. It has always been one of my favorites. As I sang along, the words stuck in my throat, they turned around and flew on wings straight down to my heart. My eyes filled with tears.

“How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord, Is laid for your faith in his excellent word! What more can he say than to you he hath said, Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?”

“In ev’ry condition – in sickness, in health, In poverty’s vale or abounding in wealth, At home or abroad, on the land or the sea – As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.”

“Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, For I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.”

I understood something: God didn’t take this trial of poverty away because He doesn’t care. (What? He doesn’t care? – He cares about me infinitely, he just doesn’t care about my financial status.) It isn’t important to him that I have new clothes or a vacation or a dishwasher. The purpose of this life is to prove me faithful. The more I suffer and remain obedient, the more I earn in the next life. He wants me to have mansions in heaven, and is only concerned with giving me the necessities of mortal life while I am on earth.

Still, I didn’t like it. I couldn’t shake it. I was still resentful. I unloaded on the marriage counselor who happens to be amazing at what she does. I thought surely she would back me up and empower me to go back to work. Yet, I sold her short. She shares my faith and my religion. She called me out and gave me the third part of the message,”You can’t compare your life to other people’s lives. You can’t feel less than others because your challenges are different than theirs. If you can’t learn to be happy poor, you will never be happy rich either.” And the clincher, “You don’t have to be poor, you just have to be willing to be poor.”

I went home and sulked for a day and thought it over, and ended my journey in prayer. My heart had changed. “O.k. God, I’m willing to be poor. Well, I want to be completely willing. Change me.”

The next day as I was looking out my front window, something clicked. I got it. In my changed heart, I was happy that my needs were met. Who cares if the house I live in is rented? God has always met my needs. I didn’t care one bit about my beat up mini-van, second hand couches, or the lack of drapes on my curtain rod (for the last 2 years.) It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that the above saying (the most important things in life aren’t things) was ironically found by me at Abigail’s soccer friend’s mansion (full of everything anyone could ever want) because it was true. It was true for me and it was true for the rich people too. If my heart was turned towards God, and if I could keep it there, the importance of things would be nil, and I could be happy.

Ever since that morning, I have been happy. Truly happy. So happy I hope I am never not poor because I might forget.

I guess I can’t like this song anymore. Dangit. It’s so cute.

If you still need some more convincing, go read the whole chapter of Luke 12. woo-we. Good stuff.

Affection for Dummies

This video about the dad singing the Beatles with his son has been shared a lot by my friends lately. It’s super cute as the toddler screams, “Don’t let me down.” As I watched it this morning I was thinking about how much pressure parents are under to not” let their kids down” in the affection department. Affection can be tricky as each kid needs it differently.

I struggle with affection. While I was growing up my mom was overly emotional and my dad wasn’t consistent with his emotions (as he was angry one minute and then trying to give you a hug the next.) I think somewhere I convinced myself that affection was not to be trusted.

As a parent this is problematic. Kids need affection. I don’t necessarily like to give it and I have four kids who all need it.

Something funny and educational happened at our house last week at Abigail’s birthday party and it taught me a good lesson about affection.

LG (the hubs) is the YM President in our ward. (He is like a youth pastor to teenage boys – for those who aren’t Mormon) One of LG’s boys was at Abigail’s party and was playing in the backyard with the blue hamster ball as shown. Out of nowhere LG took off racing across the yard and tackled the young man who screamed as he saw my 300 pound husband coming in full force. Jeff quickly (and wisely) ducked into the safety of the ball and easily weathered the collision. We all laughed. When LG reappeared at my side I questioned, “What was that?” He answered, “Oh that’s how guys show affection. We have to rough each other up.” hmm. How would I know that being the mother of 4 girls?

Abigail came home from church the next day relaying how Jeff retold his version of the story. Apparently the terrifying experience had earned him bragging rights in Sunday School and Abigail listened on with pride for her crazy dad.

I put this lesson to use the other night. Abigail is our child that does not like affection. She is especially leery of affection from mom and dad. After a trying talk over our intentions to limit her use of electronics in the evening hours she was upset. As I walked away from her still sulking on the couch I had a stroke of genius: I turned back and tackled her with a hug. We ended up wrestling for a good 15 minutes. She thought if she could beat me she could somehow win back the privilege of taking her cell phone to bed. It wasn’t going to happen. First of all, she can’t beat me and secondly, if she did she still wasn’t taking her cell phone to bed. At the end of the wrestling match, I felt close to Abigail and she was obviously happy about the physical touch.

Who knew after giving birth to four daughters that my hubby actually does have a son? Abigail needs affection in a way that only guys are supposed to understand. No wonder this mother has been failing. I will be on the look-out for other ways to show love to my girls that I have been missing.

I leave you with a great song. We heard it while out shopping the other day and we all love it. The lyrics embody another good lesson about affection.