Twenty-three years.

I’ve had the sacred privilege of sharing the last 23 years with a man that I love, respect, and adore.

It’s been a great ride with many ups and downs, but the roller coaster is what keeps it exciting. The challenges are what make us stronger.

In the last couple of years, it’s been especially tough, as my husband has struggled with connection. It’s left me very lonely, but I am grateful that he continues to choose me. Even if he doesn’t show his choice how I want for the majority of the time, I know at the end of the day, he’s doing the best he can.

It’s THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING in existence to choose the same person over and over again.

Now, if you are happy at that sap, stop reading here.

Next, I am going to share with you my poem from last night. I’ve been writing a poem a day for the past two weeks. I plan to write one every day for 365 days straight. I am trying to think of the one moment that I found the most significant and write about it. Last night’s poem is depressing. It captures the loneliness I feel while my husband is mentally and emotionally checked out.

Now, don’t be mad. It is what is. It’s part of the roller-coaster. Even among the pain, we choose each other, and that is what makes our marriage beautiful.

Ignore the bullets. I couldn’t figure out any other way to get this poem to be single-spaced.

The Light He Never Sees

  • I wear a head lamp
  • to illuminate the
  • graphite scratches
  • containing all my hurt and loneliness
  • made to the rhythmic interruptions
  • of
  • slurping and
  • muzzling and
  • choking and
  • blowing
  • of his snores.
  • It seems it should be
  • impossible
  • for him to sleep.
  • Yet, he’s dead to the world
  • as I know it,
  • He’s oblivious of this small consideration
  • as he’s oblivious to the large services and the even greater care.
  • But, at least at night,
  • he’s got snores to blame.
  • During the day, it’s just neglect.

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